For those of you that have met me at a networking event, it may come as a shock that I suffer from social anxiety frequently. For any kind of work social event, let alone meeting new people at networking, without the security of my husband there for support, I have previously struggled to summon courage to attend.
Aware of my issue, I try to push my boundaries – hence how I came to get involved with networking! But previously, I could barely enjoy an office Christmas party, and certainly never made it to the end without disappearing before the night was over.
Here’s how I overcame my fears.
The leap of faith
So, what was my big push? Having been at Miss MPS for a little while now, I was keen to be part of the company’s story and do my bit to help grow the business. Inspired by my fearless leader – Clare Runham – who credits her breakfast networking events for most of our new business, I was intrigued to find out how networking really works.
I spent a bit of time looking into events I could attend and found that there was going to be a networking evening on my way home from work one night. I really wanted to give it a try, so forced myself along and arrived with my broadest smile – my over-enthusiasm helping me to push through the nervousness!
Whilst I’m sure I wasn’t seamless, the reality is social anxiety is 90% anticipatory – you’re worried about something that hasn’t even happened yet. As I found, if you take the leap of faith in the moment, you don’t have time to over-think things and the anxiety fades away.
Confronting doubts
Having faced my fear, I could no longer catastrophise in my mind a social disaster. I went to the same event soon after and felt far more confident and composed. Looking back a couple events on, there is no way I would have thought I would be capable of standing up to talk about Miss MPS’ services for 50 seconds!
This, I feel, is a vital aspect of dealing with anxiety. It’s difficult to get over your mind coming out with doubts such as “something bad will happen,” so begin by questioning that statement. What exactly will happen? What exactly am I afraid of? When you are forced to confront those doubts and rationalise them, the credibility of your fears start to crumble away.
From coping, to thriving
Networking can certainly feel like jumping in at the deep end – you’re often in close proximity to brand new people and you’re there to set a good impression – eek!
I find the trick is to take the focus away from you, and how you will be judged. You’re actually there to talk about the company, the features and benefits of the services or products, as well as the great things your clients have to say.
You’re also there to listen. I find it easier to mute that negative internal commentary by listening intently to others, turning away the attention from my own self-doubt.
If you’re not ready to do much talking first time out, shift the conversation towards your fellow networkers: “So, what do you do?”, “how long have you been doing that?” and “what do you enjoy about your job?” are simple ice breakers.
Need a moment to collect your thoughts? I always have a glass of water with me; a sip can buy me a few moments to relax and think about my response!
So there you have it, the girl that looks super positive with the big smile has shared her little secret with the world; it’s not all natural! I hope my experience helps others – you certainly aren’t alone.
Have any tips you’d like to share? Please leave them in the comments.